My Friend, My Brother...

I may not be able to change the past, but I can be better in the future.
A better person to everybody and a better man to myself.

The past three months was never been easy and I’ve been busy abusing myself and other people as well.
There are times when I can no longer feel comfortable with my own skin.
During those awful times of my life, there is always one special person that I always turn to, the one whom I regarded as a brother.
Funny because I have never admitted to myself that it was my flaws.
I had kept on blaming other people for my fall and my loses.

there are numerous times that I can't easily let go of something or someone, but on the night of my birthday after exchanging some sharp words with a friend, my blood rushed to my head and I begin to yell and nasty words came out of my mouth as it was overflowing.

My mind was very cloudy that moment, it was a split second decision; to let go of my friend or to keep him.
My rageful heart finally won and I let go of him, I let go of someone who's very dear to me.
And still I continue to hold on my beliefs that I have nothing to ask for forgiveness.

One afternoon I decided to check my blogpage and I saw some fresh entries from my dear friend.
I believe I had read three of his fresh entries and as I was reading them, my eyes became teary. How come that I couldn't understand this person? I know him so well and I am aware of the burdens being cast upon his shoulders. I don't know if stepping down from being his confidante; ease some of his heavy loads.

Regardless of everything, he is still my friend and that is something that I cannot deny.

The intensity of the emotions in his entries was very high.
I could even see his face as if he was telling me the whole story.
I can hear his voice shivering; I can even see his tears from his eyes as they started to shed.

Where am I when he needs me the most?
Why did I become so naive and so insensitive?

He is not just a friend, but a brother.

I may sounds dramatic or shallow, but I just wanted to say sorry for everything and you probably don’t know this, I love you as a real brother and it will never change.

(5 days later)

Sunday finally came and as I had planned, I am going to talk to him and finally put a dot to our hidden feud. I have arrived at the center a bit early to meet a friend. And as the time goes, I frequently look around as my eyes keeps on searching for him.
4 pm came and still no traces of him, I decided to text him and ask for his whereabouts.
I texted him thrice, yet still I got no reply from him.
It was the last part of the Genuine Series, where Pastor Ariel Marquez takes the center stage to execute the preaching, it’s about sufferings and hardships in life. I knew him so well and his determinations to finish this series from the book of James were so strong that no calamities on Earth could ever stops him from coming.
I texted him again and wish that he was there with us inside the center.

The following morning I checked my inbox and found texts messages from him and he said;

“uy thanks, may sakit kasi ako kahapon hanggang ngayon, pero ok naman ako. Salamat”.

I told him about the last Sunday’s activity and he replied;
“nanghihinayang nga ako, hay saying talaga, mejo ok na ko, salamat, kita na lang tayo sa Sunday, kaw din ingat”.

Just like a real brother, I know he will never despise me.

Regardless of what happens in the past he will always be a friend, a real good friend to be exact.
And we will be friends for the next 3000 years to come…

God Bless my friend, my brother!